Thursday, April 7, 2011

First baby class, in which I ask Jeremy-like questions

So I attended one of those "ZOMG SO YOU'RE HAVING A BABY" classes tonight at the hospital where we'll be having the baby. It was the first one of these for either of us.

Ever notice how birthing services are like an oil change? We went in for the free Baby 101 class, but they also sell you on a whole bunch of other classes, most of which cost. Being the complete noobs that we are, completely clueless on how to be parents, we plan on signing up for all of them. How to get your kid to take out the trash? I'd probably pay 50 bucks for that. I hated taking out the trash.

I asked two questions. Both of which won't shock anyone who knows me.

First, they said that pregnant women shouldn't have more than 250 mg of caffeine per day. I have no idea what 250 mg is. We're not on the metric system. So communication professor that I am, I asked for a point of reference like a cup or a dixie cup or whatever. Crickets.

Second question I asked is if it's normal that I'm not freaking out. I mean, I have my worries and thoughts about being a dad, but I haven't felt hit by anything yet that makes me want to crawl inside the attic for a week. This is particularly worrisome because I've been told by no less than four different people this week that I should be freaking out.

I don't know. Maybe I should be tripping here, but my wife and I don't really work that way. We're both the type to see a challenge and muddle through it. Might not be pretty in how we get things done, but we get through. Yeah we get frustrated, but we're not high strung in how we prepare for things at least.

Besides, we can take a slew of classes of $250 and figure out what we need, probably learn the rest as we go, and make a few too many ill-advised trips to urgent care because "baby is making sound I don't recognize" has hit the household. I think we even get certificates of our newfound status for taking the classes. Who says print is dead?

I actually wanted to ask about radiation in milk and seafood too. Sounds like mercury in things like swordfish are fine for a mom, bad for a baby in the womb, so it seems like small amounts hurt babies more. I wanted to know whether radiation in something like tilapia captured in the Sea Of Japan could be harmful if eaten. Probably was just an alarmist thing, but then again I know nothing of baby biology.

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