Some of it is just sleep deprivation talking, other parts not knowing what we're doing. But we're learning.
But all that aside, I'll gladly take the frustration and fatigue for times like this:
That's my son, asleep on my chest. I get moments like this several times a day. There's nothing quite as cool as picking him up when he's having a hard time and comforting him, then watching him calm down because he knows he's safe.
At least I think he knows. I am that evil father who changes the diaper and bathes him, both of which he hates. But afterward I tell him it's supposed to help him.
But all that aside, I can sense he's getting that he's loved. I don't know how I know, but maybe it's just in those quiet moments when he calms down from a huge cry with a big hug, a cradling, or a gentle word. Today I think I saw my first real smile. I'm not sure so we'll need to see if he does it a couple more times, but he reacted to my smile with a grin of his own that was matched by his eyes. We've gotten the facial movement before but that could just be digestion; I've read that the eyes tell you.
I hope it was a smile. It'd be that first response to a direct interaction from me.
So moments like that are unforgettable. I'm learning and growing so much into this new role and haven't lost sight of that.
I'm also extraordinarily grateful for the people that have surrounded us. Steph DeLuca and her mom have been consistently providing help in the form of meals (and the kid has taken a liking to Steph). Our friend Silagh has dropped by as well and it's fun to watch her son interact with Austin. I think they'll be getting to know one another well. And this says nothing of my friends online from near and far who've checked in, offered a few tips, or just words of encouragement. Or anything about the other great visitors who've stopped in to check up on us or bring us a random meal that always makes our day brighter. All of these things really do help; you know who you are.
All this is part of the narrative, even when we struggle. It's important to keep that in mind, that when we're going through the tough stuff we are always aware that we have support and people who care. But more importantly, that we have a beautiful baby boy who has brought a lot of joy to our lives. It's more than worth it.
Post #82 in my 90-in-90 blog challenge. Blog with us and join the fun. I'll be blogging both here and on myprofessional blog for the challenge. For more about the 90/90 challenge, read about my call for participants. The blogs participating are on the list at the right, or follow us on the #LUBlogTribe hashtag on Twitter